Salvation

I have no ideia where to start, but I have to start somewhere, because if I don't start writing I will keep feeling like I'm falling behind. I either feel everything or I don't feel nothing at all there is no in between. I am either 8 or 80, and the problem is I go between the two faster than light goes through the void. Lately, the switch is happening more often and faster, one minute I am enraged the next I can't move. Even my fight or fly response is askewd. Right about now all I want is silence, fucking empty silence. Problem is I don't have it. I have a semblance of silence in wich I don't speak so the other person doesn't feel inclined to do it. Again, problem is the other person has an issue with silence and talks to feel the empty space with it. So you see me problem right? With silence comes both peace as much as a ranging war with myself. Why, you migth ask... well because silence is like a reflexion you are forced to confront yourself, to look inside. Oh deary I should warn you looking inside me is like going blind and being terrified of the dark all the same. See, this is another issue, whats with the god damn paradoxes all the time. Sometimes I think I was born with split personality or something, like I am both the daugther of the sun and the moon. Shit this is really helping uh? Thought I give it shot never realized it could really be good. Apparently writing is still my salvation. I remember why I stoped, but I can't figure out why is it so hard to come back to, since it might of saved me a lot of trouble in the last... what ?..7 days. I haven't felt so on the edge of this particular abyss in years. Yeah, because like everything when it comes to me I have layers for ions, I have carachters  for centurys, I even have a lot of different demons. This feels so egotistical, and maybe it is... guess what don't give a damn if it means I can save me... and lets face it I only ever had me to save me. So that's exactly what I'm doing saving my ass from failure because failing it is not an option. Read it again stupid broken brain, it is not an option.