So, I won... nothing...

I won you know, I loved you more.
You wanted to protect me but...
We became more, so much more.
Maybe too much...
Home, two arms and a hertbeat.
You smelled like home,
and you still do you know?
I used to smile everytime I heard your laugh,
couldn't help it, now I have to.
I still dream about you, but I can't tell you.
Still wake up with nigthmares,

only now you're not there to hold me.
Still look for you when I pass our old place,
where we started and we ended.
Still hope it's you when a text comes in.
Still remember our mornings in bed...
...whenever I hear thunder.
Still remember your kisses...

when "Kiss Me"by Ed Sheeran comes up.
Still... you didn't love me enought to stay...
...and somehow I had to leave you,
because you wanted it, I never did.
So, I won...nothing...
...nothing but an empty space in my heart,
and a whole in my chest that aches when I breath.
Darker lungs from all the cigarrettes I used, trying to smoke the pain away.
Depper circles under my eye, 

from crying and not sleeping...
I was scared to see you leave in my dreams.
Lack of inspiration to do what I love,
couldn´t write a line for a year.
Couldn´t sleep in my own bed,

because all I remember is you by my side,
so I sold it and bought a new one.
Can´t find my place in the world,
because when I lost you...
I lost some of me too.